I just realized that if the internet were to have a religion, it would be porn, and once again women would be its goddesses. And this makes sense. We have shifted from goddess worship, to god worship, and have come full circle, once again focusing on big breasted and voluptuse women and famine, whilst creating multiple sub genres and cults that cater to the individual ideals of beauty and sexuality.
Before Zeus punched big old Coronus in the belly, forcing him to throw up his own incestuous brood, Gaea was the birth giver to the heavens. The very basis of our modern religious beliefs can be dated back to ancient astrological concepts which the Greeks attributed to as the child and mate of the great mother Gaea.
Women, I have always believed, were proficient at being worshiped and adorned, were as men have been highly skilled acolytes. Man, however is a hungry beast. Our temples were build bigger, our swords sharper and our armor harder. Now the power to build, destroy and write really cool sounding stories, seemed to pale in comparison to making babies (which might I remind you is a lot more impressive than we give it credit, unless you live in a trailer park). And so women sat in their sufficiently shorter chair at the dinner table for a few hundred years, with the odd bump here or there which aren’t as funny as what I’m about to talk about so I’ll write about it later.
Now, however, they have once again risen to the highest peak of worship since, well never really. The way you make a god is simple. First create a disenfranchised workforce (see the medieval surfs for historical bonus points). Then take something they what but cannot have, and show them what it looks like till they drools so hard they drown (see gothic cathedrals for even more historical bonus points). If you don’t think this is true, then turn to your nearest geek, preferably one his calluses on his palms, and look at his expression every time a beautiful, sparsely clad woman walks past. Oh he is thinking dirty things, very dirty, but he worships her. By her simply existing, he is humbled, and that’s the whole point of worship.
The problem is that while prostrating himself before her unattainable grandeur is two-fold. Firstly, the act of worship; this is done by masturbating to large amounts of porn. This has many effects which I will touch myself on later… okay I’ll run with that joke. The second problem is the measure by which women are worshiped. We do not love them for their compaction, there humorous ways or how they can comfort us even when our beryl man-shell cracks and we feel weak and vulnerable. No, we love them for the amount of beads they can fit in their ass, or the amounts of seamen they are prepared to swallow. Even though they are gods to some, women are not gods, they are people, and just like in any religion, they are getting fucked over by their high priests.
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