Sins of my flesh

Beyond the flesh of my flesh, to the souls that reside in my heart, I ask your forgiveness. I know that my actions have harmed those that have strayed upon my path. Know that was never my intention. It pains me to know that my presence has caused you ill. Alas i know know mans by which i can gain absolution for these sins. They haunt me like specter's, discoloring every shade.

Prostate I lie before them, in the hope that I will be forgiven. I never meant you any harm. I am certain that does little to quell the storms that rage within you. What else can I offer you, i do not have that many pounds of flesh to offer. Though I will not call my life a disgrace, now matter how much I may feel it, for it would discredit those that gave so much for me to be here. Know that I plead for atonement

I Am So Sorry

I am sorry. For what I am not too sure. Perhaps, for it all.

I have kept a log of my sins, and hung them form the barbs that tickle the veins of my heart, keeping it from beating to hard or too fast. Keep me alive, that will be good enough for the moment. Let the hills roll past the horizon, as the colours change from green to yellow, until they are met by the cold purples of the darkening skies. With only my eyes to fill them with meaning, the freedom sits in my throat. Unable to swallow, it is better to leave it on the the road, amidst my mucus and bile, for soon glass, metal and blood will litter the intersections.
I could tell you the stories that whimper from the stones, muffled by peeling paint. But that would reacquire a caring demurer and I am pretending to be another player, hoping that this one will stick around long enough to keep my own nature from poisoning those dreams that have managed to survive this far.This face does not have as many scars. It belies the cringes that have etched their marks on its predecessors.  On it new errors can seem pure and intertwined with then need to learn. Alas these are not new marks. Aside from replacing the face, the cost of restructuring the core may be more than the mannequin can bare.
So pray for the child that sits besides the leg of a dream, looking up with all the hope that only ignorance can induce. He has long since lost that hope, his eyes have become murky with the truth of his own nature. The past has scraped away any effigy of purity his soul may have clung to. The suffering his inability induced has tainted the mornings that begged to be embraced. The tears, the pain, the regret, caused by his own hand. The child wanted nothing of the sort. Though the man realizes that his visage now mimics the nightmare that his desires despises, hence the face itself. No metal, nor colour will conceal its decay. Soon the stench will spread and no sweet smile will be able to conceal it. 

Look Around, but not too long

Christ. I know, relax and breath in. The spinning will stop. But the road calls out in languish, and the fear holler back. They want me to stay, then like me here, the voices whimper then shout. You are comfortable, you are home, everything shall be alright, the chorus continues. Though I wonder. Like an shade I float among the scenery, effecting the interplay of light and dark, but despite the obvious effect I have on the landscape, I am not of it. Were i too root myself not, so early, it would not be a discovery, or a journey, but a flow to a new familiar, a slide to a smaller port. New things soon become old. For all the allure of a simple life of aesthetic indulgence, it is not my time. The horizon calls, and I shall answer.

Sunrise

You see, not all days share the same lighting, others are darker than the rest. Even when the path itself is clear, and the way forward decided, the shadows that pass before us tend to take the shapes of things we chose long be free of. But memory and manners of the heart have the strange tenancy to crawl out from under the rocks we placed beside the path to keep us from the woods. We can cut ourselve with false fantasies, we can tie our limbs to bar stools and break our will withoutany cause for alarm. But we must stay resolute, and hardened. We cannot give the passing shadows in our minds too much credence.

To quote James Maynard Keenan, "Change has come, keep your indignation, take the higher road, take it like man".

I am starting to understand the importance of he who holds the banner. when the field before you reeks of death and fear, the image of what you fight for, beating triumphantly against the wind must give hope to those who do not know if tomorrow's sunrise will grace them with its presence, for fate has made other plans for them.

I Might See You

Today I cut my finger on the edge of my diary. I stared at the drop of blood till it when a colour close to black. I took the tip of the blade you gave me and scraped a smile into it. As I curl up in into a warm blanket made of lost photographs, with faces I struggle to place these days, I begin the nightly bartering. I reach down and take an image at random and set it aflame and whisper to the chaotic shadows, “keep me safe this night”. An offering to something I cannot know, and fear that one day I just may. May this nigh keep if a bit further at bay, for last night I saw it had left a few claw marks on the bed post. If it gets any closer I may have to offer it the picture of you

HAHAHAHA

Now I know that I should not be laughing. Yes the skin around my back is getting tighter as new limbs try and find their horizon. I am not sad, but scared. I am not worried, but concerned. Excitement can wait, there is still so much to shed from my spine.  I have debts to pay, and no currency available to me anymore. Not every investment had produced the returns I had hoped they would. Pity. I was to some degree relying on them, hoping they would help me afford the face paints needed to mach my many garbs. A painted smile is a faint substitute for joy.

My Pet Singularity

I have always wanted a pet singularity. I would lead it by a quantum leash and if need be, clean up the dark matter it might leave in the yard.  I may have to discipline the little of if it tears up the fabric of my existence, unless I wanted it to do so for very specific reasons. I could take my singularity for warps on the beach, and bask in the solar flares. It may flux at passersby, but I am sure I will have the capacitors to deal with it. If anyone sees a wild singularity sniffing around black holes and marking its territory with radiation please give me a call, I would so like to give it a home. I have already started to build it a warm dimension for it to sleep in, right next to a convenient little time stream to drink from if it gets thirsty. It would be shy at first I am sure, but in after a while it will start to gravitate towards me. I am positronically certain that we will be happy together.